Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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