Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
