Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
