Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
