Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
