Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
