dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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