I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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