She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
