He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
