Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
