You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
