i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
