Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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