They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize