Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
