I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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