love makes seman taste better
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
