Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
