i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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