I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
