i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I bet he comes in French.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
