I look better un-naked...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
