We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
