that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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