ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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