The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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