i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
