just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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