Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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