Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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