the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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