yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
