that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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