you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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