so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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