I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
