Moan for me like Helen Keller
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
