Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
