her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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