I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
