Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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