all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
