Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
