im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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