I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
