I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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