i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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