somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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