Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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