Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
