Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
