new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
