This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
