You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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