never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
