i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
