I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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