We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
birth control should be required to get into college
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
