woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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