something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
