Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
