It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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