Got a toothbrush?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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