tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
