Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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