Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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