i jhust puked up my retainher.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
