is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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