Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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