Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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