I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
