It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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