i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
