just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
